holding

when i sit in a room
light or dark
it doesnt matter
if i can stare too long at the chair
you sat in or
the painting on the wall
you just took your eyes off of
i suppose that's why
i drop my eyes on the floor

i don't want to see

when i sit in a room
small or large
whichever way
i move
the weathered edges of our memories tickle me
i suppose that's why
i try to hide my toes

i don't want to feel

when i sit in a room
hot or cold
i can not decide what is worse
rejection is a too warm mint tea with fingers down my throat
i suppose that's why
i can't speak
loneliness penetrates my heart on the cool breath of your leaving
forever
i suppose that's why
i cross my arms over my chest

i hold myself together